trying to understand

anxietiesI have talked on here about my irrational anxieties before.  Well, today I have hit yet another milestone on stupid things to get worked up over and it doesn’t even make sense to me as to why it is bothering me.

When I was 18 years old.  I went to New York to be a nanny.  I started out with a  Jewish family named Maza who had  three children Bayla, age 10, Joel age 6 and David age 2.  I was only with that family for three months when I decided it wasn’t a good fit for me and I found another position on the otherside of Long Island New York with a single mom of a little girl named Elizabeth Hendrickson who was 7 years old.

The other day I got to reminiscing about these families and the fact that we lost touch.  I started to search for them on facebook and other social networks on the computer.  I found out that Elizabeth Hendrickson (yes the very one I tended) is a popular soap opera star while Bayla Maza, now Bayla Simtar, is a nursing professor at a college in New York and the mother of 5 children and still very religious in the Jewish faith.

This is just simple basic non-threatening information that I found but for some reason it has been causing me a lot of undue anxiety and I can’t figure out why.  Why would knowing this stuff and seeing pictures of these children all grown up cause my heart to beat out of my chest, keep me from sleeping and keep my thoughts focused on a lot of what ifs and if onlys?

It’s weird to me that I would feel this raised stress and increased anxiety over something so benign and un-important.  and Yet that is exactly what is happening to me.

I have been reading a lot about stress, what it is, what it does and why it happens but nothing I read can explain why something like this would make me anxious.  I hope that I can get passed this and not let it stress me out so much,

1 thought on “trying to understand

  1. When I heard you talk about these children / families you took care of, it seemed to me that you had endeared them to your heart, especially since you had cared for their needs; meaning physical, emotional needs and hoped that their lives would go in a good spiritual direction, as well.

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