Finding The balance I need to succeed.

balance

 

I came home almost in tears, exhausted and frustrated and very anxious about the future. I overloaded all these emotions on my husband before I fell into bed for what would be a fitfully sleepless night. What was all my anxiety about? It was about trying to balance everything in my life. I have three children, a husband, a full time, day job and I attend school at night. When I started school, I was working as a Direct Care Professional (DSP) and I wanted a higher paying job so I thought school was the best option for me. However, once I started school, I discovered that I don’t like medical assisting, plus I got a promotion and a raise at work which put my pay about where it would be starting out as a medical assistant.

I know others who have taken this class only to find themselves struggling to find a job or in a situation where their  previous/current job pays more that the job they attended school for. It seems to be a bleaker outcome than what I originally anticipated it would be.

My new job is not only stressful, it requires me to sometimes attend meetings in the evenings which would cause me to miss school. Since the school is very strict on their attendance policy, this worries me a great deal. Also, since I got the promotion at work, my motivation for school has decreased and I am not as productive in class as I was at the beginning. Simply put, since I don’t enjoy medical assisting, I don’t have the motivation I once had to make it work. I do however enjoy my job and want to be good at it so I have been putting more time into it than into school.

My children have also expressed a desire to have me home more. I leave for work at 7:45  Am, get home at a little after 4 (On the days I don’t have meetings ) then I eat, shower and am on my way to school by 5:15 PM. I get out of class at 9 and am home by 9:30 just in time to prepare for work the next day and go to bed. So, I really don’t spend much time with my children and on the weekends, I am so tired and needing to study that I don’t spend much time with them at that time either.

I feel that even my spiritual life and that of my family is in jeopardy with so many things on my plate. I haven’t had the time to really put into my primary lessons or my FHE lessons. I don’t read the scriptures as much as I should and it seems I am so focused on school and work that everything else takes second place.

I feel like something needs to give in my life and I’m not sure where or how to find that balance. I also find myself worrying about what others will think if I do drop out of school. Right now I am facing the decision to keep going and possibly be kicked out for attendance and grades or to drop the class. I wish I could figure out what the right course of action will be, Whatever I decide, I would rather have school suffer than work or my family.

I often fantasize about weekends with my family without stressing over a test or pass off coming up or just time to sleep, exercise or waste a little time without feeling guilty about it. I want to be successful and happy but where do I find the balance?

 

balancing