I have written a lot lately about my fears and challenges at work but for some reason, I still can’t work things out within me about these challenges. I thought it would get better because I have a driving partner now who doesn’t mind doing all the driving so for a while I just rode with her in the van but today I found out that I have to do all the driving after all because her driving record came back with some issues which makes it so that she can’t drive a company vehicle or her own vehicle with clients in the car.
I think my fear lies in two main areas. First, the van is really big and backing up switching lanes is difficult for me to judge. and secondly, I have no sense of direction and even now after driving with her for several weeks, I still don’t know everywhere I am supposed to go.
Today I drove home. My partner, E said I drove well but she teased me about needing her to direct me. It’s the teasing and having people think badly of me that bothers me but then it bothers me that it bothers me and I wish I could just laugh about it. I think this all plays into my self- confidence and my goal to develop better confidence,
One thing that I learned from Recovery International group is that I need to drop the danger. I am not in danger, I know how to drive, I have someone to drive with who knows where we are going and I am not in danger of being hurt or losing my job if I just do my best.