A time to end what wasn’t working!



A Year ago this month, I spent 5 days in the behavioral health unit of a local hospital.  I have been thinking a lot lately of the progress I have made in the past year.  One thing that I wanted to work on was some of my relationships with others.  I had a friend who I had/have a stormy relationship with and I wanted to change how I interact with her.  I saw a therapist right after I was released from the hospital last year who told me to “bury” the friendship.  he gave me a rock to represent the relationship with this person and he wanted me to bury it and have a funeral to signify the death and ending of the friendship.

I did do this but I didn’t bury the relationship in real life.  I kept coming back to this person as if she could fill needs in my life that weren’t being filled in other ways.  So I decided that I would actually end the friendship.  I set a goal that I would start on September 1 and totally shut out the friendship.  I did fine with this until this person texted me telling me about things that were happening in her life and asking me about mine.  I didn’t want to be rude so I answered her text.  I decided that I need to set specific ground rules for my goal and redefine it a little.

I decided that Instead of “Killing off” the relationship altogether I would change it.  I don’t have to be friends with her just acquaintances.  Here are the ground rules I set for this particular person:

1-  I won’t text, call or face book her but if she contacts me I will be polite and respond to her.  I will keep all my responses to her calls, texts or face book messages positive and brief.

4- If I see her; I will be friendly, positive and polite but not talk much about anything personal.

5- I will not go out to lunch or any other activity with her and will not sit by her at church or other gatherings that I may occasionally see her at. (Still I will be friendly and positive with her)

6- I will not  go out of my way to get into deep conversations.  I won’t confide in her with my personal problems or desires anymore, I will keep my conversations with her safe and shallow

1 thought on “A time to end what wasn’t working!

  1. I love you and want you to know that I have recognized your progression from a year ago, or even from when we were first married.
    I don’t tetll you as often as I should.
    You are the light of my life and cherish you for all time and eternity.

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