I was recently asked how my Christmas was. I have been pondering that at some length. Christmas was stressful for me this year because unlike last year we really didn’t have the funds to get everything that the kids wanted/needed or that we desired to get for them. As have been all the holidays this year, Christmas came fast and before I was truly ready. I had been working full time, going to school part time and teaching Primary and there didn’t see to be anytime in between to really do the things I wanted to do for the holidays.
When Christmas day finally arrived and the kids assured us that they were happy with the gifts they received, I should have felt relief and peace but instead I felt panic. It seems like I live my life in a constant state of panic and the panic was so bad on Christmas day that I spent a lot of time with tears streaming down my eyes and sleeping to escape.What was my anxiety about? School mostly and work a little. I have a project due at work in a couple of days that I haven’t even started on and I have so much studying to do for school that I am having a difficult time keeping up. I am so worried I will fail this class. To top things off I was so worried about finances that I agreed to work Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day, days I would have normally had off for the holidays with no pay I was now working for time and a half pay.
As I sit here two days after Christmas, having worked Christmas eve and the day after Christmas and planning to work New Year’s day; I am still filled with mild panic over the things that need to be done and feeling unable to accomplish it all, I am still filled with dread and anxiety over the prospect of everything I have to do.I
I guess now I just have to figure out how not to panic and enjoy the weekend with my family.
Today I am going to try to do the following:
play games with my kids
go after Christmas shopping with Kim
get some homework done
work on my project for work
and NOT Panic